Depression is fickle, one moment you are feeling good about how you are and then a small thing will happen and all of sudden you’re heading down the rabbit hole of depression. You’re not able to pull yourself out of it.
“What’s this got to do with entrepreneurship?” I hear you say. Well, I have to admit, it doesn’t have anything to do with it. But this is the journey that I am taking nearly every single day. Some days I’m feeling on top of the world and able to put thoughts to paper (or whatever electronic version of paper I’ve got to hand). Then something small can happen, it can be a word or two said either by the kids or my wife, and I’ll head down a rabbit hole of despair and depression. This then puts everything on hold, I can’t think straight about what I’m doing.
As an entrepreneur you can’t be shackled to these depressive thoughts that lock you down in a miry pit. How can I / We move away from being locked down in depression? This is where having great training packages available or good quality books is invaluable. If you have access to amazing videos, webinars or entrepreneurial books you can keep your mind busy on things that will help your business grow whilst things are difficult on the outside. A depressive cycle will keep you trapped for hours if not days until there is a trip or trick to break the downward cycle.
The United Kingdom has been in an unprecedented time of lockdown due to the Coronavirus. This has added its own complications to my depression, a combination of both claustrophobia and agoraphobia. “What? You’re scared of being cooped up and of going outside?” I hear you say. Oh yes, because we’re locked down and only allowed to go out for personal fitness for an hour and to do essential shopping, the rest of the time we must stay at home. Some days I’m like a roaming lion trying to find a nice shady spot to relax in, trying to find somewhere in the house that is quiet enough to break out of the rabbit hole. Then at the same time I’m almost terrified of walking outside the door, not because of the virus but just being outside. We have school aged children at home who need to do their schoolwork and both my wife, and I are working from home. My wife is a local tutor who has had to transition to online tutoring, as well as working on a website to expand the courses that she can offer. I’m building upon my affiliate marketing and battling with depression, the latter seeming to be a constant battle in-itself.
Could this all be lockdown fever rather than clinical depression? This certainly smacks of anxiety, like a cold wet fish to the face, but lockdown fever fogs the brain rather than causing disbelief in oneself or trips down the rabbit hole of depression. For me lockdown fever has only added to my clinical depression rather than being the sole aspect of it.
So, where does this leave me now? Well, it’s taken me nearly a month to write this blog post. I started on day 45 of lock down and now its day 72, 27 days later. Why has it taken me this long? I’ve had a real battle this month with my depression . . . not wanting to be part of anything, not feeling like I’m living in my own body and not wanting or even having the inclination to work on my business. Now I’m playing catch up with myself. One thing that triggered my trip into desolation was, I tried to do my first advertising campaign. I thought that I had done everything right with it, I’d worked out keywords that go with my business. I’d found other keywords that would link with it to widen the spread of advertising. I’d set myself up on the Microsoft advertising platform, I’d worked out my budget and set a daily limit for the ad campaign. Overall it looked like it was all going to work out well, nope that didn’t happen. Somewhere along the lines I’d clicked a box or something that allowed all my budget to be used up in less that 24 hours. Not only that but I’d managed to be advertised to a majority of people who were looking for a business accounting app, something I’m not even providing.
Advertising be damned, there’s always ups and downs with advertising and what I’ve learnt from it is to be very careful about where, what and how I advertise. My struggle with depression has been paramount in my mind throughout this month and I’ve found it very difficult to pull myself out of the rabbit hole. The best thing that I’ve done this month is to go over the training again to help me get back on track. There’s been an update to the training, so it’s been even better to go over the training videos again and some for the first time. They really have been excellently produced to help with possible prevarication or lack of motivation. They’ve been put together to help you out of the business mire and drudgery of online creation and preparation of a website.
If this has spoken to you or my trip through depression or my attempt at being transparent about my personal depression, please click here